frosty

frosty and dad together. they loved each other

me and frostys last picture together. christmas 08

begging for a treat out of the closet. we spoiled him

being a big brother when we first got ty

sniffing him to make sure he is good enough to be part of the family, 

frosty happily approved 

I had to put my best friend and dog to sleep on monday.  It was hard to do I didnt want to but It was his time. He was 14 years old this month.  I have grown up with Frosty. he was my dog since I could remember. He was loving and affectionate and just perfect. He would play whenever you wanted to and he knew when you were sick or wasnt feeling the happiest. He would just sit there next to you and let you cry or whatever. He was the perfect dog. He was more my dads dog though and Ty is mine. I have never seen my dad cry so much.  I dont know how he did it. I had to go to work when they put him down and it is a good thing. I could not have been there to see my dad and brother have to roll him over onto a blanket because he couldnt walk.  I would not be able to handle that. It was hard enough sitting on the kitchen floor with him for 2 hours crying my eyes out telling him goodbye for the last time. 

I told myself I wouldnt cry anymore. That I did the right thing by putting him to sleep. And here I am crying while writing this. I dont regret our families decision to put him down. He was suffering by keeping him alive. It was just hard to realize he wont be at the door waiting for you to get home anymore. He wont start barking and panting when its dinner time.

We still have TY, yet he is a little lost on what to do without his brother.  He has never lived in a house with only one dog. We have always had frosty. We are trying to do the best we can to make him feel better. but you can tell he is a little depressed and definiatly lost wthout his older brother around. we have to go outside and sit on the porch with him when he needs to go out. He doesnt like to be out there alone.  He stleeps with us now instead of in the kitchen alone. which helps both of us. I like having ty next to me, it brings me comfort and I know he likes it better knowing he still has us even tho his brother is gone. 

Frosty will always be missed and never forgotten. He was a great dog. 

my house

I get bery scared having friends over to my house because I am scared ppl will judge. there is nothing wrong with my house. its perfect in every way. I couldnt ask for anything different. but all of my friends live in bigger houses and dont have a train board in their basement. so I was always scared to have ppl over to my house. the only ppl that have really been to my house are tristan and lauren, one of my best friends sarah hasnt even been there. So needless to say, I was freaking out last night before ppl came over. I thought it was going to be like 6 or 7 ppl. a small group cause my house isnt built for tons of ppl.  so in the end alyson joe and tristan came over. I thought there would be more but it turned out to be fun.  It kind of made me realize the people I hang out with arent going to judge me. they are awesome ppl and dont care what the size of my house is. they are going to be friends with me for me.  ppl i hung out wiht before would never be that accepting. needless to say, I love the ppl i hang out with now. im just becoming closer to them and its just making me happy!

whats going on?

I was in such a wonderful mood lately. Nothing would bother me nothing would stress me out and now I feel like everything is just crashing down on me. NOTHING will go how it is planned. nothing is working out the way it should. I just feel miserable. I feel like giving up on life right now. I just feel like its not worth trying anymore. I dont want to take this summer class. I dont wnat to work anymore. I dont wnat to go to school. All I want to do is just do nothing. absolutely nothing. I dont know what to do with myself. I am in a rut and cant get myself out. Something is wrong but I dont know what. 

Everything in my life is going perfect! my friends are home, im playing soccer, im doing really good in school. I was so happy this morning like nothing could stop me. then one thing went wrong and now I dont know what to do with myself.  help

almost summer

Its almost summer! I am so excited! I am also excited that everyone is coming home! tristan and sarah are home! lauren comes home the same time I get out and so does sammy. Along with all of the other people! All I have left in this semester Is 3 finals and 2 papers. I have not started any of this and I have 2 finals and the paper on tuesday. I have all day tomorrow and all weekend to work on this stuff. I am going to be stressed but after that I am done with this semester. BUT of course after that I am not on summer break. I have my summer class. Anatomy in 3 weeks. I might fail. I have to do really well. I dont know if I want to take it anymore because I am seriously thinking of not doing nursing and doing special education instead. I think I have more of a passion for that. I want to help kids. I want to do something worth while. I could also do mental health nursing though. I could do that with my associates. I think I am going to get my associates in nursing and then I am going to go back to school while I am working as a nurse at night.  I just really wnat to be a teacher but I want to start working full time so i can get my own place and be able to afford it. So with my associates I can work full time and go back to school at webster or something to get my special education degree.  I think I have written this before but I just am really struggling with what I want to do with my life. I just have no idea what I want to do. I cant make a decision for my life. I jus wan to know what I want to do! I want to be able to decide. So I am going to get both I guess!

UGH STRESS!

soccer

I have played soccer since I could walk. I recently was thinking about quiting. my knees and ankles are really hurting when I play.  I have not played soccer since our last game. Which was in like november. I don know what I was thinking. I can not live without soccer in my life. Im played last night and I had SOO much fun. I dont know if I could survive not playing soccer. I had more fun last night than I have had in a long time. I loved it. I am going to play soccer at meramec next year and I have to find a place to go after that so I can keep playing. I could not think about going to school and not playing soccer. It is what motivates me. I LOVE SOCCER!